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larrytt

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larrytt last won the day on July 10 2008

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4,221 The Grand Hangout Council Member

About larrytt

  • Rank
    Plus Member Since 08/05
  • Birthday 2/27/1960

Personal Information

  • Location
    Germantown, MD
  • Homepage
    http://www.tabletenniscoaching.com
  • Interests
    Table tennis, tennis, reading & writing science fiction & fantasy, presidential politics
  • Occupation
    Professional table tennis coach and writer, and science fiction writer
  • Favorite Current Oriole
    JJ Hardy
  • Favorite All Time Oriole
    Jim Palmer
  1. Top Ten Ways to Fix Oriole Pitching

    I have no idea who this is or what it means. Are you saying no to all ten of my "recommendations"? Even "Next time an opposing team says, 'Give me five!', just say NO!"? I guess we could give five for the 21st time in a row....
  2. 10) Put out a nationwide APB for Good Ubaldo. Then do the same for Good Kevin, Good Dylan, Good Wade, Good Alec, and Good Chris. 9) Bring in a bunch of mosquitos. Let them loose in the clubhouse. When a player gets bitten and has an itch, hire Scott Boros to represent that itch. Boros will become the best itch rep in the business. Then put Boros in the starting rotation because he’s the best Itch Rep, and that’s just an anagram for Pitcher. 8) Orioles are tiny birds, weighing less than 1.5 ounces. A baseball weighs 5.25 ounces, over 3.5 times the weight of an Oriole, so of course an Oriole cannot throw a baseball very hard. It’s time we became the Baltimore Rocs! 7) We’ve given up 66 runs in our last 8 games, an average of 8.25 per game. It takes an average starter twice that many games to give up that many!!! So while most teams have five starters, we only need 2.5 to get the same production. Then we can bring in Aaron Judge, Paul Goldschmidt, and (since he’s injured and will miss half the season) half of Mike Trout, and perhaps we can average 8.26 runs per game. 6) C’mon, the idea of bringing in Jim Palmer is ridiculous, the guy’s 71 years old. On the other hand, they’ve cloned dogs, cats, and lots of other mammals. . . . 5) On the other hand, perhaps 71-year-old Jim Palmer could make this starting rotation. 4) Here is the Orioles ERA by day: Sun 5.51; Mon 5:67; Tue 5.59; Wed 3.87; Thu 4.24 Fri 5.28; Sat 6.13. Time for us to copy football, play Wednesday Night Baseball, and then pray for six days of rain. 3) If practice makes perfect, we’re well on our way to #1 as we lead the majors in total pitches at 11,824. 2) We’ve got a 5.20 team ERA (last in the majors), we’re got the worst pitching staff in baseball 52 weeks a year, and pitching well this year just isn’t in the cards, which come from a deck of 52. The answer to our problems is practically screaming at us – sign #52 C.C. Sabathia!!! 1) Next time an opposing team says, “Give me five!”, just say NO!
  3. 10) Blame Buck. Ever since he outlawed strip poker in the locker room they’ve been playing injury poker, and everyone’s losing. Just yesterday the clubhouse boy pulled a royal flush to Chris Davis’s four K’s (kings), giving Chris an oblique strain. 9) Blame the fans. They constantly scream “Go O’s!” which is like saying “Go Nils!” which is an anagram for “Losing.” 8) Casey Stengel saw a clubhouse full of bad players and said, “Can’t anyone here play this game?” Buck saw a clubhouse full of injured players and said, “Ditto.” 7) #2 hitter Adam has a .298 OBP. #3 hitter Manny is hitting .218. #4 hitter Chris is hitting .226. #5 hitter Mark, who led the majors in home runs last year with 47, has eight this year and is slugging .396. Shortstop A.J. is hitting .210. (What did Casey say?) 6) Anyone who thinks the Orioles are struggling should keep in mind what would happen if they played the ’62 Mets, considered the worst team in history. Of course, most of the ’62 Mets are in their 80s, so we’d probably win. Maybe we should challenge the ’69 “Miracle Mets” to a rematch, now that they are all in their 70s? Can 73-year-old Tom Seaver strike out Chris Davis? Let’s not find out. 5) They may be struggling at Camden Yards, but they just won the Mercy Medical Hospital Baseball Championships, defeating a bunch of sick kids from the pediatric wing in extra innings in an exciting game that ended with Manny bowling over blond-haired, almond-eyed, ten-year-old catcher Timmy, hospitalized with a touch of Polio, to score the winning run in the bottom of the twelfth. Timmy was last seen soaring over the grandstand as the Orioles celebrated. 4) They say it’s lonely at the top, but it’s pretty lonely in the O’s clubhouse as well, since everyone is out at Mercy Hospital. Most of the time it’s just Rickard and Kim playing ping-pong while Buck does a daily drive down to Norfolk to pick up anyone that’s available to play. 3) Orioles are 14 out of 15 in the AL in ERA (4.88, beating out the hapless Minnesota Twins), and dead last in starter ERA (5.36) – but they did save a bunch of money buying star insurance at Geico. If Manny hits under .220 and we finish dead last, we get first-round draft picks – and they’re scouting out those sick kids at Mercy Hospital! Go Manny Go!!! (Sung to the tune of “Johnny Be Good,” since we keep hoping Manny’ll be good.) 2) Didn’t Earl say the secret to winning was stolen bases, sacrifices, and triples? (We might have the details wrong here.) We’re dead last in the majors in all three. 1) It’s a long season, we’re currently 32-32, and have 98 games left. As a .500 team, we have a 50-50 chance in each game, meaning we have one in two to the 98th power chance of winning 98 in a row, or 1 in 316,912,650,057,057,350,374,175,801,344 (about one in 317 octillion) of going 130-32. So we’re saying there’s a chance.
  4. 10) What swoon? That's fake news!!! The Orioles have WON six in a row, and not only have the best record in baseball, but they have the biggest crowds too! 9) What goes down must come up. (Or is that backwards?) 8) As some will explain in meticulous detail, it's a long season. Now think of the pleasure you will get as you [imagine] punching these people in the jaw! 7) Throughout these losses, the Orioles have demonstrated superb pitching. Soon the O's front office will orchestrate a trade for some of those superb pitchers. 6) With a few breaks, the Orioles could still go 140-22. Of course, this involves breaks in the pitching arm of every opposing pitcher. 5) The Orioles hitters continue to dominate the fifth inning, leading the AL in slugging (.527) and OPS (.904), with a .377 OBP. Sure, there are those other pesky innings, and sure, the Orioles pitchers have a 5.55 ERA in the fifth inning, but golly, can the Orioles hit in the fifth inning!!! 4) No matter how bad the Orioles are, the new Bay Watch movie is even worse. 3) With one stroke of his bat (followed by a manic sprint), Chris Davis moved the Orioles from last place in the majors in triples to merely tied for last place with 3. Oh, and the O's are also tied for last place in the majors in stolen bases (12). See, we get to share the mockery! (Well, except for sacrifices, where we're dead last in the majors with 2.) 2) Always remember that "Losing Streak" is just an anagram for "Angelos' Skirt." This must mean something profound. 1) Buck Showalter is becoming more and more like all-time great Hall of Fame manager Casey Stengel - both have the same question.
  5. Ongoing Lineup Thread, 2017

    Against Scherzer, Davis has an OPS of .885 in 26 PA (.333/.385/.500). Trumbo is 1 for 11 with a single, and an OPS of .258. I wouldn't mind sitting Trumbo out tonight, but not too often - 47 HR last year.
  6. Ongoing Lineup Thread, 2017

    There's a simple reason why Mancini is starting and Kim is not. Mancini has a 1.025 OPS (71 PA), including 1.548 (you read that right) against righties (26 PA). He's clouting the ball right now, so why would you bench him? Kim, on the other hand, has an OPS of .624 (49 PA). When one is hot and the other is cold, you play the one who is hot. The whole purpose of platooning is to maximize the hitting, and you don't do that by playing, against a righty pitcher, a lefty who is not hitting lefties, while benching a righty who is hot against righties. Kim will get his chance, but as long as Mancini is clouting the ball, keep him in the lineup. Until and unless he proves otherwise, he's now an everyday starter. He may be this year's breakthrough hitter - we'll see.
  7. Ongoing Lineup Thread, 2017

    He was listed as LHP when I did my note, but it's been corrected. I don't know the National League pitchers very well, including the Nationals. I deleted my note.
  8. Bloody good idea - I added "bloody"!
  9. 10) Before each game have Chris Davis stroll over to the Red Sox dugout with a bat over his shoulder, and have him nonchalantly break it over his knee while giving them a very meaningful look. Problem solved. 9) Adam Jones already has solved the problem. Anytime a ball comes at your head you blow an anti-baseball bubble. 8) The fastest pitchers throw up to around 100mph. Orioles sluggers hit the ball up to 120mph. Need we say more? 7) Surreptitiously send to the Red Sox the ingredients for a steroid blocker, so that they can all start taking steroids. Their heads will become as big like Barry Bonds, huge targets that even Ubaldo can hit. 6) All we have to do is Warn Baseball, since that’s just an anagram for Beanball Wars. 5) Chris Davis has hit exactly 200 home runs since 2013. Last year he hit 38, while Trumbo hit 47, Machado 37, Jones 29, Schoop 25, and Alvarez 22, with the Orioles leading the majors in home runs with 253. I’m sure a few of them are still in orbit, just waiting to drop down and smack a certain Red Sox pitcher on the head. 4) We’ll build a wall between the pitching mound and home plate, and make the Red Sox pay for it. 3) Organize a peace conference with the Red Sox, and as a peace offering, exchange jerseys. (Anyone know the gestation period for the smallpox virus we’ll put in ours?) 2) Let them throw the balls at our heads – Oriole reflexes are too fast, like Drax. 1) They’re Sox. As in dirty, smelly, bloody socks, drenched with sweat and athlete fungus. Forget throwing baseballs at them and toss them some anti-bacterial air freshener.
  10. In case anyone didn't realize it, these were real stats, not made up. I should put together a Top Ten List of just strange O's stats.
  11. Shhh! Just finding anagrams isn't really the hardest part - you have to find anagrams of something interesting or funny, and recognize phrases that might be anagrammed into interesting counterpoints. (In my Top Ten lists I usually only use anagrams in one.)
  12. I'm ready! Um . . . can we play for money? One of my table tennis students tonight, age 12 and a huge Orioles fan - he knew the entire roster - discovered I had coached JJ Hardy, Darren O'Day, and Brady Anderson, and had hit with half the team in their clubhouse (Manny, Chris Davis, etc.), and went practically crazy, especially when I showed him pictures. I recently emailed the Orioles to see if they'd like me to bring in a group of top junior table tennis players again, as we did a few years ago, but no response yet.
  13. 10) We have a great starting rotation, led by Tillman . . . wait, never mind. We have the best closer in baseball, Britton . . . oh darn, skip that. We have Mancini smacking all those home runs as our starting . . . jeez! Oh wait, we have Trumbo, the best home run hitter in baseball last year and he’s . . . gosh darn it!!! 9) The pitching dominates. They have the best ERA in all of baseball on Thursdays (0.95), with 3-0 and 3-2 counts (0.00 [!] and 1.35), are tied with the most saves (10, with Colorado), and have given up the second least number of home runs (17, one more than Oakland, but they are over the San Andreas Fault and so won’t last long). And we actually do have the third best ERA in baseball at 3.41! 8) We’re 4-0 when Ubaldo starts. This guy solved the Rubik’s cube in 5.95 seconds, matching Ubaldo’s ERA, but probably gets paid less than Ubaldo’s $13.5 million salary. 7) The CE-7.5 is a rocket engine developed by the Indian Space Research Organization, which propels a ship to rocket speeds. Gausman propels baseballs to rocket speeds, but strangely his ERA is also 7.5. One of these is a good thing. 6) A long time ago in a theater far away, The Star Wars movie “The Force Awakens” opened. The Orioles (14-6) have awakened and are defeating the dark side of the force (Yankees, 12-7). However, some of the O’s Jedi hitters didn’t get the memo and the force is not with them – are you listening, Mr. Trumbo and Mr. Machado? 5) The O’s 14-6 is a .700 winning percentage. Only the Nationals (15-6) are ahead at .714. However, that rounds down to .700, and Baltimore is ahead of Washington alphabetically, putting us on top. (And guess where those Yankees sit, alphabetically?) 4) The Orioles are Fourteen-Six. Which, of course, is just an anagram for what the O’s hitters do when they come to bat – Exert Fusion. And for what they do when faced with poison pitches from opponents – they Refuse Toxin. And for what will happen when one major station gets together to celebrate O’s greatness – it Reunites Fox. And for what the O’s play better than other teams after each win – Foxier Tunes. And why O’s players wear nose plugs when faced with the stench of the Yankees and other evil teams – a Nose Fixture. And what the Orioles did in getting former Boston Red Sox pitcher Wade Miley – Free Sox Unit. And, of course, for the only way any team can possibly challenge the Orioles, with bribery and blackmail, To Ensure Fix. 3) When the O’s Don their uniforms, they Trump all opponents with the biggest crowds, the highest approval ratings, and the highest payroll. And as they bomb their opponents Adam Jones smacks them in the face with the most beautiful chocolate cake. 2) The Orioles continue to dominate baseball with their explosive hitting when there are runners on first and second, with a .323 AVE, .432 OBP, .710 SLG, and 1.142 OPS. 1) We have Buck. That starts with B, that rhymes with T, that stands for Trouble!!! (With apologies to The Music Man.)
  14. Who starts tomorrow? Mancini or Gentry?

    He's an on-base machine, and many of us hold THAT in high esteem. He had a .382 OBP last year, .393 against righties. (Next best was Machado's .343.) Obviously, we have to balance this against his below average speed and defense, with much of the discussion really about just how far below average he is in these, and how much his OBP compensates for this. Give him credit for what he does really well, which is getting on base against righty pitchers. Having said this, I secretly would like to see Rickard as the everyday leadoff hitter, but he has to prove himself first.
  15. Who starts tomorrow? Mancini or Gentry?

    Key words here are "starting gig." But as a platoon player against lefties? Last year in 90 PA's he had an .861 OPS (.313/.367/.494). He also pounded the ball in the minors in 2015 (697 PAs, .849 OPS including.401 OBP) and in spring training 2016 (1.044 OPS) and 2017 (.923 OPS). Unless he plays himself out of it, he's our guy against lefties, and this is sort of his audition year for possible long-term starter/leadoff hitter.
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