Going to the bathroom at work

[MChance]

There's a manager at my place of employment who, much like myself, drinks a lot of water during the course of the day. Unfortunately, we both seem to go on the same schedule. I've been seeing him about 3+ times a day in there. It gets pretty awkward after that many times. So, lately, I've been going up to the second floor to do my thing and avoid the guy. It's unbelievable. One time, he says to me, "Anything going on today?", thinking I'm just going for walks because I have nothing to do.

However, I have noticed he goes on the top of the hour for the most part. So I'm planning my bathroom runs at his off-peak time. It's like a full-time job. I'm going to have to create a process map and a risk assessment of this!

[ScottieBaseball]

There's a manager at my place of employment who, much like myself, drinks a lot of water during the course of the day. Unfortunately, we both seem to go on the same schedule. I've been seeing him about 3+ times a day in there. It gets pretty awkward after that many times. So, lately, I've been going up to the second floor to do my thing and avoid the guy. It's unbelievable. One time, he says to me, "Anything going on today?", thinking I'm just going for walks because I have nothing to do.

However, I have noticed he goes on the top of the hour for the most part. So I'm planning my bathroom runs at his off-peak time. It's like a full-time job. I'm going to have to create a process map and a risk assessment of this!

At least he doesn't try to talk to you while you're going to the can. That's the worst. I once had to tell a guy from the office that I'd catch up with him when I was done taking the Browns to the Super Bowl (the ONLY way they'll ever get there, by the way ).

When you're done with the process map and risk assessment, make sure you send the TPS report with the new coversheet, mmmkay?

[SouthernBird]

We have a VP in my office who will not only NOT give a courtesy flush, but I do believe he is actually trying to force it out louder and faster as some type of freakish power play. I mean what kind of guy actually wants you to hear their bodiliy functions? All the while trying to maintain a conversation with those cringin and running for the door.

It really creeps me out...

[SweetbabyJ]

Working at the Pentagon for over 30 years, I seen a lot. My top bathroom stories are:

1. Walk up to the urinal and see a guy standing there eating a sandwich.

2. Standing at the urinal when the bathroom door slams open, a guy rushes in, runs to a stall and you hear this massive explosion before the door even shuts. I don't know how he got his pants down in time.

3. Sitting on the can when some guy gets into the stall next to me. Next thing I hear is he shuffling a deck of cards. Then a hand appears under the stall and he says pick a card. Are you kidding me! Like I want to see card tricks then.

4. Walking in and it sounds like some guy is giving birth in one of the stalls.

Many a time I've walked in and thought about calling the Pentagon Police. I could swear from the smell that there was a dead body in there somewhere.

[SurhoffRules]

A thread about going to the bathroom, I can finally die a happy a man

The natural "thunder" doesn't bother me near as much as the gasping and heavy breathing some of the people I work for make. I'm not one who blushes easily but it's hard to look a guy in the face at meeting when you've heard him trying to birth a bowling ball five minutes prior. I've taken to using the stalls up a flight and across the building just to avoid those awful sounds.

On a related note, when I used to work down at a military research facilty in DC, they had these wonderful overhead fans in the bathroom that made a sound like a jet getting ready for take off. You could've belted "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" in one of the stalls and no one in the bathroom would have been any the wiser. It's the only thing I miss about that job

[DurbBird]

And then there's our bathroom serving 14 people at the store. Arthur (not her real name), she of the butt crack, has some aversion to flushing. I don't know whether it is a family superstition or she has the attention span of a fruit fly, but many is the time when someone has gone into the bathroom, shouted the name of our redeemer (though not in a sense of worship), and flushed the toilet. I've written three reminders in our weekly newsletter about flushing and properly disposing of feminine hygiene products. When a person is in her mid 30's, it shouldn't be an issue. I suppose it's time once again to take her aside and review the basic principles of Personal Daintiness and Sharing Space with Others.

[Jules]

3. Sitting on the can when some guy gets into the stall next to me. Next thing I hear is he shuffling a deck of cards. Then a hand appears under the stall and he says pick a card. Are you kidding me! Like I want to see card tricks then.

I have absolutely no idea what I would have said to the guy. Man, I have seen some crazy things but that would top the cake!

[JourneyFan]

I have absolutely no idea what I would have said to the guy. Man, I have seen some crazy things but that would top the cake!

Just say, "No, thank you. Gambling is a sin."

[bgfield]

3. Sitting on the can when some guy gets into the stall next to me. Next thing I hear is he shuffling a deck of cards. Then a hand appears under the stall and he says pick a card. Are you kidding me! Like I want to see card tricks then.

Holy crap I am definitely going to try that one day!!

[Sanfran327]

Working at the Pentagon for over 30 years, I seen a lot. My top bathroom stories are:

1. Walk up to the urinal and see a guy standing there eating a sandwich.

2. Standing at the urinal when the bathroom door slams open, a guy rushes in, runs to a stall and you hear this massive explosion before the door even shuts. I don't know how he got his pants down in time.

3. Sitting on the can when some guy gets into the stall next to me. Next thing I hear is he shuffling a deck of cards. Then a hand appears under the stall and he says pick a card. Are you kidding me! Like I want to see card tricks then.

4. Walking in and it sounds like some guy is giving birth in one of the stalls.

Many a time I've walked in and thought about calling the Pentagon Police. I could swear from the smell that there was a dead body in there somewhere.

I worked at the Pentagon for a few years myself, and I'll tell you... this is dead on. People do the damndest things in the mens room in that building. This is making me laugh out loud just thinking about it. Man, I miss working there. Too bad I hated my team so much...

[RustyMcNail]

We have a VP in my office who will not only NOT give a courtesy flush, but I do believe he is actually trying to force it out louder and faster as some type of freakish power play. I mean what kind of guy actually wants you to hear their bodiliy functions? All the while trying to maintain a conversation with those cringin and running for the door.

It really creeps me out...

Roll a cherry bomb under his stall door. That should scare the poop out of him.

[JourneyFan]

At least he doesn't try to talk to you while you're going to the can. That's the worst. I once had to tell a guy from the office that I'd catch up with him when I was done taking the Browns to the Super Bowl (the ONLY way they'll ever get there, by the way ).

Man, I absolutely abhor bathroom talkers. I just want to go in, do my thing, and get out as quickly as possible. We can chat later, when there's not an echo, and I'm not in such an "awkward" position.

While this didn't happen at work, it did happen in a public place. I was about 13, or so, at Sizzler (remember that place?) with the parents. I went to the restroom, went in a stall and "dropped the kids off." This guy in the next stall just started talking to me, saying things like, "They have good food here, don't they?" I finished quickly and got the hell out of dodge. That's probably what started my fear of public restrooms.

[Danielos38]

I am proud to say that I have the longest streak of total years not going to the bathroom at school with 5. Cal's got nothing on me! I just hold it untill I get home.

[chad422]

I never went one time to "drop the kids at the pool" at school. Ever. I do take pride in using the facilities in both the home and visitor's clubhouse where the Syracuse Chiefs play (I refuse to call em the SkyChiefs)

[MChance]

Also at my place of employment is the guy who brushes his teeth after lunch. Ugh. For some reason, when I'm on the can and no one else but the brusher is in there, the sound of teeth brushing annoys the hell out of me. At least close your mouth while you brush! Guh!