Going to the bathroom at work

[SacreBleu]

I'm bringing this thread back to life because I just heard the most earth shattering explosion in my entire life in the loo here at work.

Regrettably, I had to pee really, really badly and since I hadn't peed all day, it was quite a lengthy bathroom break. After said explosion, I struggled to keep my composure (especially with my buddy a few urinals down from me giggling to himself). Well, as we were washing our hands, the CEO of the company comes out of the stall, walking proudly with a smug grin on his face.

Inexplicably, he then proceeds to rip a ridiculously loud fart. Wouldn't most people do that IN THE STALL? I mean, I cannot understand how he could possibly have enough power left in there after that eruption.

My friend and I have been emailing back and forth since then trying to figure out what to make of the situation. How is this possible? This guy is a human anomaly!!!!!!

I used to work for a guy like that....a major grunter & groaner and on more than one occasion I or a co-worker would walk into the bathroom after he had completed his mission to find 'shrapnel' on the seat and at least once on the wall.....How does this happen?!?

[BaltimoreTerp]

WOW. (And possible TMI alert)

So our half of the floor has three bathrooms: male, female, and co-ed. Each has one stall, one urinal, two sinks, and two showers. Not the ideal arrangement. The accepted MO when you walk in and see that the stall is occupied is to immediately leave the bathroom and go to the co-ed bathroom or come back in 10 minutes.

I just went to, uh, board the #2 train and a girl walks in while I'm sitting there doing my business.

Instead of leaving like a normal person, she turns out to be a major freak and just STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATHROOM WAITING FOR ME TO FINISH. Oh. My. Gosh. I am flabbergasted, embarrassed, angry, and anything else you can think of. She stood there waiting for me to make sure I "got it all," wipe, and flush. Thankfully, it wasn't one of the time-consuming versions, so once I realized, stunned, what she was doing, I was able to make a fairly quick getaway, wash my hands, and glare at her on the way out. But I am FURIOUS right now. Who does that? Who is disgusting enough to stand around watching and listening (and smelling) while somebody goes #2? And why would you want to go in right after that anyway? What is WRONG with this girl? This has never happened to me before. I have never done this to anyone else. I didn't know anyone was actually weird and clueless enough to do that. YUCK. I feel extremely violated.

You should have made her wait. Sat there until she left or something.

[twoBshorty]

You should have made her wait. Sat there until she left or something.

I was thinking about it. But who knows how long it would have taken, and having her think I was constipated would have been just as awkward. I was also considering snapping at her to just go the heck away, but I tend to swallow my thoughts in favor of keeping the peace at the time and then ranting here right afterwards.

[BaltimoreTerp]

I was thinking about it. But who knows how long it would have taken, and having her think I was constipated would have been just as awkward. I was also considering snapping at her to just go the heck away, but I tend to swallow my thoughts in favor of keeping the peace at the time and then ranting here right afterwards.

I don't know if you two have a history, but I doubt she would go around spreading vicious rumors about your regularity.

And that ends today's broadcast on WTMI - Way Too Much Information Radio.

[CamdenChick]

I thought about this thread and had to post....

This new kid I've been training, came up to me the other day and said, "Laurie, you're never gonna believe what I had to do."

And I'm like, "What?"

He practically turned pale while he was telling me, "I had to clean poop up off the floor last night."

I was like, "It's official. You're here to stay."

HIT THE TOILET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

[NewMarketSean]

Wow, I thought I was the only one!

Dude, on Ravens games are the worst. I don't have that problem at O's games for some reason...

But there is hope!

The Stadium Buddy!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stadium_buddy

As long as you know it'll take 10 mins to get through the line and wait for a stall, it's not that bad. I do hate it when people are drunk and yelling and messing with my concentration though!

[DuffMan]

Resurrected!

I went to the bathroom at work today and immediately noticed the plumbing underneath the stalls were gurgling very loudly. Something was wrong. Luckily I just needed the urinal. Well, I guess 'luckily' is appropriate ... ? At any rate, someone was in a stall. A detail, right? Wrong. I get back to my desk and a guy came up to me saying, "Funny noises coming from the plumbing, huh?" That caught me a bit off guard. Then he said, "How'd I know you were in there?" Now I felt a little awkward. We all peek through the cracks when we're sitting in the stall, let's admit that. But do you ever say something afterwards to someone you saw from in there? I never have! I hide when I'm in there. I don't want anyone knowing I am sitting in there! That's embarrassing.

If only the bathroom doors went all the way to the floor!

[Hank Scorpio]

This has got to be one of the best threads I've ever participated in. I laugh every single time.

[Dipper9]

If only the bathroom doors went all the way to the floor!

Ah yes...yet another Seinfeld episode!

As for Scorpio's statement, this thread cracks me up every single time I read it as well!

Camden Chick...you guys need to start locking the bathroom and make people ask for a key. Maybe then they might take better aim knowing that you know that they were the ones who shat on the walls!

[blueberryale77]

1. If you are sick enough to puke, stay home from work.

2. If you become sick enough to puke while at work, go home.

3. If you must puke at work, be sure you don't miss the toilet bowl.

4. If you do miss the toilet bowl, CLEAN IT UP!!!

5. If you are going to puke at work, miss the toilet bowl, and not clean up after yourself, DO NOT prepare for the event by spending the day complaining to colleagues about how nauseated you feel because that will probably give them a pretty good idea who left the puke on the toilet seat... that or somebody will get "sick" of hearing about your stomach issues and put some fake puke on the back of a toilet seat so people blame you. Whichever of those things happened in my office today, I do not appreciate it!

[cindyluvsbrady]

1. If you are sick enough to puke, stay home from work.

2. If you become sick enough to puke while at work, go home.

3. If you must puke at work, be sure you don't miss the toilet bowl.

4. If you do miss the toilet bowl, CLEAN IT UP!!!

5. If you are going to puke at work, miss the toilet bowl, and not clean up after yourself, DO NOT prepare for the event by spending the day complaining to colleagues about how nauseated you feel because that will probably give them a pretty good idea who left the puke on the toilet seat... that or somebody will get "sick" of hearing about your stomach issues and put some fake puke on the back of a toilet seat so people blame you. Whichever of those things happened in my office today, I do not appreciate it!

EWWWWWWWW
Maybe your co workers ONLY have outhouses at home
They mght not know how real bathrooms work

[Hank Scorpio]

I can't believe that this thread isn't in the Hangout HOF.

[Spoonless]

I can't believe that this thread isn't in the Hangout HOF.

It should be stickied.

[Dipper9]

I can't believe that this thread isn't in the Hangout HOF.

Ah yes, the crappiest thread ever resurfaces out of the bowels, pun intended!!

[Bosibus]

At my previous job (grocery store), a co-worker and I would constantly take magazines out of the back for the bathroom. Who knew US Weekly could be such a great read! Then, we would have so many magzines in there, I would P-T-P or Pretend-To-Poop just so I could not have to stock shelves and read to my lonesome (of course in the handicap stall).

Now at my current job, the only thing that really weirded me out is I was in there going when another co-worker came in and was in the stall next to me. Meanwhile, of course, I stop going because of the weirdness and I just sit there with my elbows on my knees and I start to hear clipping. I look on the ground next to me, this guy is clearly CLIPPING his fingernails while on the john at work. Wow. Of course, I narrowed it down who it was later while checking out everyone's shoes in the hallway. But still, who the hell does that?