Favorite Simpsons Quotes/Moments

[Mackus]

Homer: Moe, I need some advice. I've got a friend... Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo...
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard!
Random guy at the bar starts to cry and runs out
Barney: Wait! Joey Joe Joe!!!!

[ShaneDawg85]

Of course, how could I possibly forget:

Homer: To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[bigjayb024]

2 of my favorite quotes come from Rev. Lovejoy:

From the Movementarian episode, when he is getting ready to burn the church down... "I never thought I'd have to do this again."

From the episode "Bart's Comet"...
"Its all over people! We don't have a prayer!"

[PaulFolk]

From when Bart is forced to wake up at 4:00 in the morning...

(alarm radio comes on)
RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's time for the morning news. But of course there is no news, because everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody!

[PaulFolk]

Some Mayor Quimby quotes (going by memory here...)


QUIMBY: And now allow me to introduce...Larry White.
BARRY WHITE: It's Barry White.
QUIMBY: The card says "Larry."
BARRY WHITE: I think I know my own name.
QUIMBY: Yeah, well, we'll see.



QUIMBY: I hereby decree that today will be known as "Marge Simpson Day!"
ASSISTANT: Uh, it's already Veterans Day.
QUIMBY: (annoyed) It can be two things!

[scOtt]

He carved it himself from a bigger spoon.


We'll get our lemon tree back or make their rivers run red with our blood!


Homer: There's a figure of Jesus on the ceiling.
Marge: That's just a waffle you threw up there.
Homer: MMMMM! Sacrilicious!


Burns: That's odd. The blood usually gets off at the second floor.


From the episode where they went to the mountain resort for a company outing. A sign by the side of the road. "Mt. Whatever. Strategic Granite Reserve"


Lisa: Dad! They're all from the same animal!
Homer: Oh sure, Lisa. A wonderful MAGICAL animal.


It's a classic Pincers Maneuver. Against an 11 year old it can't fail.

[PaulFolk]

Lisa, I'm afraid you've been taken in by an obvious forgery-- like the Hitler Diaries, the Howard Hughes will, or the Emancipation Retraction.

[scOtt]

Lisa: Dad! That's specious reasoning!
Homer: Thank you, honey.

[True Talent]

Big deal, when I was a pup we used to get spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home. I was once spanked by Grover Cleveland on two non-consecutive occasions.

[scOtt]

Homer: But you would have gone all the way, huh?
Lurlene: OH Yeah!

[scOtt]

Charles Montgomery Burns: Maybe I WILL give the workers universal health care!

CMB: when pigs fly....


*pig flies past power plant*


Forget what I just said, Smithers.

[TGO]

Charles Montgomery Burns: Maybe I WILL give the workers universal health care!

CMB: when pigs fly....


*pig flies past power plant*


Forget what I just said, Smithers.

Pretty close, but I believe he actually said he would donate $1 million to the local orphanage.

Unless they've redone this gag recently.

[ShaneDawg85]

Pretty close, but I believe he actually said he would donate $1 million to the local orphanage.

Unless they've redone this gag recently.

I believe it was actually, to the effect of:

Burns: Smithers I believe I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage. When pigs fly.

::Both laugh, pig flies by, both look stunned::

Smithers: Will you be donating that money now, sir?

Burns: No, I'd still rather not.

[Flip217]

McBain: "My eyes! The goggles do nothing...."


Homer: "Marge, I agree with you in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."


Montgomery Burns: [welcoming the Simpsons via intercom at the front door] "Welcome! Please come in... "
Montgomery Burns: "Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead. "
Waylon Smithers: "Sir, you have to let go of the button. "
Montgomery Burns: "Oh, son of a bi- "

[ShaneDawg85]

Homer, to the tune of "Tub Thumper," the Chumbawumba song:

"I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink. And when I need to pee, I use the kitchen sink!"