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@Frobby

Im sure you have heard them all, but this one is so funny.

Police Officer on the stand, testifying in a formal court case.

Q. Did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I observed a person who matching the description, running, just a couple of block away.

Q, Who provided this description?

A. A fellow officer, the first one on the scene.

Q. So a fellow office provided this, do you trust your fellow officer?

A.Yes sir, with my life

Q. With your life. Yet back where you change into your uniform, do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. Yet you trust your fellow officer with your life. Why do you feel it necessary to lock up your stuff?

A. Well, its like this, we are also housed in this court complex and lawyers have been know to walk through that room.

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and the court quickly called a short recess.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

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From Henny Youngman:

My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

A hooker stopped me on the street and told me 'I'll do anything for $50.' I said, 'Paint my house.'

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?" "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

A man doesn't know what real happiness is until he's married. Then it's too late.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?"

 

Random thoughts.

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From one of the ads, which I turned back on about a month ago when Tony posted "that thread," ...

Ignore the painted on eyebrows and the ruler across her forehead... MY GOD what beautiful eyes!!!

maxresdefault.jpg

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49 minutes ago, scOtt said:

From one of the ads, which I turned back on about a month ago when Tony posted "that thread," ...

Ignore the painted on eyebrows and the ruler across her forehead... MY GOD what beautiful eyes!!!

maxresdefault.jpg

 

A lot like my two favorites! Charlize and Diane Kruger.

charlize-theron-eyes.jpg

 

Diane_Kruger-009.jpg

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I even find it strange that that is my favorite physical feature of a woman. The eyes have it.

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Turning these ads on is a pita but there are benefits... look at these... this beautiful eye!

eyJpdSI6IjNmYzMxYjlmYTY1MTQwYTg1ZTRlMGVk

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It's now one of my favorite days of the year!!! It's now anti-Valentines Day!

 

Not because I'm sad and bitter (OK. Maybe a little...) IT'S 70% OFF CHOCOLATE DAY!!!!!!! :clap::disco::skeletor::awesome:

 

35588585-box-of-chocolates-background.jp

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