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orioles119

Help! Rejected Engagement Ring!

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Last Saturday night, I had a chat with my girlfriend's father to ask for his blessing about marrying his daughter. I was giving the go ahead, but there's a problem. I had the ring and showed him and he thought it was pretty. Details leaked to my girlfriend about the ring and she doesn't like it.

I bought the ring back in May as a surprise and was valued at $4200. In June, we go to look at rings and she found one she liked. It was a marquise bridal set, with this happening a month after my purchase. I keep quiet about it that I have the ring, thinking that she would still like it because I thought the love counted.

My mother loves the ring and can't understand why my girlfriend won't like it either.

Last night, she gave me the go ahead to size the ring, but after a chat with her father tonight, she has reverted back to wanting the ring from the jeweler and not my ring.

What should I do? Should I offer an ultimatum? I don't want to do this, because I love her very much and I would be absolutely crushed to lose her over this issue.

I know if I go get the ring that she wants, it will make my mother furious and she is ready to say what she thinks about the whole situation herself to my girlfriend. I don't want that division to occur either.

I have become desperate to just rid myself of it and am attempting to sell it online. If anyone is interested, PM me (lol).

I was planning on proposing to her between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, but that is obviously delayed while I reevaluate the past 17 months with her.

So there's my sob story. Any advice from my fellow Hangouters?

Edited by orioles119

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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Jewelry stores have been pushing for years that the ring represents how much man loves a woman so much to the point that they've come up the ridiculous figure of how many months salary should be spent on it. Give me a break.

If she loves you, she should care less aboout what the ring looks like when you propose. If she is deadset against the ring after you propose, you and her could talk about selling the ring and gettting her a comparable one that she loves. The ring portion of the proposal should not be a big deal in my opinion. The fact that you are asking her to be your wife should be what counts and in no way should conserns about a ring be effecting her or your decision. If they are, I would question whether there's enough true love to make it through the inevitable tough times that lie ahead in every marriage.

Good luck and remember, if she truly loves you, this should be easily worked out between the TWO of you at a later date after she's said yes.

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I was enganed. The girl called off the the whole deal and gave me back the ring. I was able to get nearly 90% back of what I paid from the Jewler.

I know its not the best of situations, but it worked out for me.....

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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Jewelry stores have been pushing for years that the ring represents how much man loves a woman so much to the point that they've come up the ridiculous figure of how many months salary should be spent on it. Give me a break.

If she loves you, she should care less aboout what the ring looks like when you propose. If she is deadset against the ring after you propose, you and her could talk about selling the ring and gettting her a comparable one that she loves. The ring portion of the proposal should not be a big deal in my opinion. The fact that you are asking her to be your wife should be what counts and in no way should conserns about a ring be effecting her or your decision. If they are, I would question whether there's enough true love to make it through the inevitable tough times that lie ahead in every marriage.

Good luck and remember, if she truly loves you, this should be easily worked out between the TWO of you at a later date after she's said yes.

This is exactly right. I'm afraid that if she's this hung up on something material like the ring, your problems will only get exponentially bigger from here on out.

Watch A Bronx Tale, check out the door test part, and substitute the door for the ring. She isn't unlocking that door for you my friend.

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Tony is 100% right.

Same thing happened to my cousin...that story got leaked through my family and I wasn't supposed to know about it, else I would have said something.

IMO, one of the bigger tests of a relationship is the whole engagement process. If the woman I pick has a single bridezilla moment, she's probably gone. I have no tolerance for anything like that.

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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Jewelry stores have been pushing for years that the ring represents how much man loves a woman so much to the point that they've come up the ridiculous figure of how many months salary should be spent on it. Give me a break.

If she loves you, she should care less aboout what the ring looks like when you propose. If she is deadset against the ring after you propose, you and her could talk about selling the ring and gettting her a comparable one that she loves. The ring portion of the proposal should not be a big deal in my opinion. The fact that you are asking her to be your wife should be what counts and in no way should conserns about a ring be effecting her or your decision. If they are, I would question whether there's enough true love to make it through the inevitable tough times that lie ahead in every marriage.

Good luck and remember, if she truly loves you, this should be easily worked out between the TWO of you at a later date after she's said yes.

A big old plus one. My wife said she'd marry without a ring. It was only later that we both went shopping for one together. The ring is a symbol, not a down payment, of your love.

I'm a notorious hater of the diamonds = love culture.

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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

We should all just keep quoting this from Tony's post, as it's all you need to know.

I was kind of horrified at your post really. That sounds like an awful situation. It sounds like your Mom is the voice of reason in this situation - I would trust her guidance.

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Yep, I'm in total agreement with Tony and the other posters. I have been married 13 years and dated a lot before that. Your girlfriends behavior is a huge warning light flashing. I had my wife read this thread and she said the same thing. You might want to have a long talk with her and find out where her priorities are. Good Luck.

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I'll say this -- if I proposed to a girl and she said she didn't like the ring, I'd probably quit while I was ahead.

That said, all my friends who are engaged at least browsed rings with their Significant Others beforehand so something like this didn't happen. It somewhat takes away from the surprise factor but it also saves some trouble.

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In general I agree with what everyone else in the thread has said. By the time I finally got the courage to propose to my wife, she probably would've accepted a cracker jack ring.

However, in trying to see things from her POV...she may have really had her heart set on the ring she had picked out. Have you discussed the situation with her? She may just legitimately not like the ring you had picked, and doesn't want you to spend all of that money on something she doesn't like.

You also say that "after a chat with her father" she wants the original ring. Is this a chat you had with her father, or her? If it was a chat with her, than some fathers can have some major influences on their daughters -- this could actually be coming more from him than from her. If it was with you, than maybe the message is being a bit scambled.

Also, is this generally out of character from her? Have you noticed her being demanding or difficult to please in other areas of your relationship? Be very honest with yourself -- no matter how much you love her, if you have to jump through hoops to please her, you will have frustrating times in your relationship. Not saying it can't work, just that it won't always be easy (although no marriage is always easy).

I guess what it comes down to is, is this a demand from her end, or a request? If it's a demand, if she's saying "I will not marry you unless I receive the other ring", then I think you need to seriously evaluate your relationship. However, it may just be request on her part, or a desire for you to not waste your money, and that request is being filtered and misunderstood through her father.

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GD brings up a good point. Is this a stand alone incident or status quo, no matter how insignificant it seemed before? If it's status quo, she's possibly selfish and materialistic at worst, a high maintenence SO at best. If it's stand alone, this may be a huge "telephone game" problem.

It ruins the surprise, but there will be NO surprise if you don't talk to her about this. Not to mention, if you can't talk to your SO about the proposal of marriage, that's a bad sign for the communication a marriage really needs.

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