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Help! Rejected Engagement Ring!

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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Jewelry stores have been pushing for years that the ring represents how much man loves a woman so much to the point that they've come up the ridiculous figure of how many months salary should be spent on it. Give me a break.

If she loves you, she should care less aboout what the ring looks like when you propose. If she is deadset against the ring after you propose, you and her could talk about selling the ring and gettting her a comparable one that she loves. The ring portion of the proposal should not be a big deal in my opinion. The fact that you are asking her to be your wife should be what counts and in no way should conserns about a ring be effecting her or your decision. If they are, I would question whether there's enough true love to make it through the inevitable tough times that lie ahead in every marriage.

Good luck and remember, if she truly loves you, this should be easily worked out between the TWO of you at a later date after she's said yes.

I couldn't have said it better.

Good luck with allllllllllllllllll that, 119.

Give her a friggin' Onion Ring and tell her take it or leave it.

Edited by Hank Scorpio

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I could see a person who's not an avid chef getting offended by an unsolicited gift of a kitchen gadget, but not in favor of makeup. I was pretty disappointed when my mom gave me a vacuum cleaner for my 21st birthday. Unless a person is really into cooking, tools that you use for work rather than pleasure don't make the greatest gifts.

I think it depends on the person and situation. When me and my wife bought our house my parents bought me a lawn mower as a house warming gift. And I was quite happy to get it.

As for the original poster, I pretty much agree with everything that's already been said here. If this ring is causing so many problems, what's going to happen when it comes to planning the actual wedding and other decisions once you are married?

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I think it depends on the person and situation. When me and my wife bought our house my parents bought me a lawn mower as a house warming gift. And I was quite happy to get it.

As for the original poster, I pretty much agree with everything that's already been said here. If this ring is causing so many problems, what's going to happen when it comes to planning the actual wedding and other decisions once you are married?

Absolutely. Housewarming is a unique case decidedly unlike a 21st birthday.

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See this is what I don't get. Computers, video games and home theater equipment you can do stuff with. With clothes, makeup and jewelry all you can do is put them on and make yourself look hotter...:scratchchinhmm:

Fixed that for you. :laughlol:

And I buy plenty of things that I can't do a damn thing with. If something makes you happy or keeps your mind off of all of the crappy things in the world, so what?

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Here's the advice I'd give, and I don't mean any disrespect to anybody on here:

Don't use a bunch of anonymous people on teh interwebs as your primary source of advice when making probably the biggest decision of your life. Talk to people who you trust and who actually know both you and your old lady.

Hope everything works out for you.

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Fixed that for you. :laughlol:

And I buy plenty of things that I can't do a damn thing with. If something makes you happy or keeps your mind off of all of the crappy things in the world, so what?

I'm not saying that clothing and accessories have no purpose, just that they don't make sense as the primary thing somebody's interested in or spends money on. I mean, don't you want to be able to go out and do something interesting while you're looking all hot in your clothes and makeup?

It's kind of like alcohol. Some people really like to get drunk and do nothing just to be drunk. Me, I like to drink while doing something interesting that the drinking only adds to. Clothes and makeup should be the same way... an add-on, not the main event.

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Sounds like her dad might be a big part of the problem. Maybe I don't understand how things work, but I'm pretty sure after you get his permission, he's not supposed to relay that information to his daughter, let alone give her a description of the ring.

Has she ever even seen the ring? If not, definitely sounds like daddy's pulling the strings. And did you ask his permission in the first place because you're an old fashioned guy, or was it something that he required?

But, yeah, the way to figure this out is to talk to her, with no third party advice from her family or the hangout.

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Tradition and culture. Dates back to dowries.

It's a little more complicated than that. Obviously, clothes, make-up and jewelry all trigger aesthetic responses. Some women are more engaged in aesthetics than others - but it's not shallow.

We all care about appearances. But some people derive more pleasure out of good design than others.

I'd also like to step in and say this: all of this judgment of a woman we don't know is a bit beyond the pale. O119, you've spent 17 mos. with her - for someone to tell you to run away now because there's a kink in the communications, well...that's awfully presumptuous.

I don't know her, but I would say that there's a symmetry to this situation that's being ignored. If the ring shouldn't be a big deal to her, then it shouldn't be a big deal that she'd like a different one, to you.

How the economics of that work out, we'll just have to see. But discussing this aspect of it with her is wise. If you have to re-sell the ring you bought at some kind of loss (I would think diamonds don't depreciate greatly) then discuss with her making up for that loss by taking funds ear-marked for something else to make up for it. You shouldn't suffer a loss because she has a certain aesthetic sense. But she shouldn't be forced to wear a ring she doesn't appreciate.

If the funds come from the wedding, so be it. The honeymoon, so be it. Whatever. Both sides just need to sacrifice a bit to make this work.

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Here's the advice I'd give, and I don't mean any disrespect to anybody on here:

Don't use a bunch of anonymous people on teh interwebs as your primary source of advice when making probably the biggest decision of your life. Talk to people who you trust and who actually know both you and your old lady.

Hope everything works out for you.

Yeah, that's sort've where I was going with my post. I generally agree with what people here are saying, but none of us really know the situation. It's great for people to say "Run and don't look back", but if he really loves this chick and this is just a miscommunication or an isolated incident, he could regret that just as much.

Talk to the people closest in your life, who know you and your girlfriend the best. And make sure they're honest with you and not just telling you what they think you want to hear.

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Here's the advice I'd give, and I don't mean any disrespect to anybody on here:

Don't use a bunch of anonymous people on teh interwebs as your primary source of advice when making probably the biggest decision of your life. Talk to people who you trust and who actually know both you and your old lady.

Hope everything works out for you.

Exactly. See my post above.

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Last Saturday night, I had a chat with my girlfriend's father to ask for his blessing about marrying his daughter. I was giving the go ahead, but there's a problem. I had the ring and showed him and he thought it was pretty. Details leaked to my girlfriend about the ring and she doesn't like it.

I bought the ring back in May as a surprise and was valued at $4200. In June, we go to look at rings and she found one she liked. It was a marquise bridal set, with this happening a month after my purchase. I keep quiet about it that I have the ring, thinking that she would still like it because I thought the love counted.

My mother loves the ring and can't understand why my girlfriend won't like it either.

Last night, she gave me the go ahead to size the ring, but after a chat with her father tonight, she has reverted back to wanting the ring from the jeweler and not my ring.

What should I do? Should I offer an ultimatum? I don't want to do this, because I love her very much and I would be absolutely crushed to lose her over this issue.

I know if I go get the ring that she wants, it will make my mother furious and she is ready to say what she thinks about the whole situation herself to my girlfriend. I don't want that division to occur either.

I have become desperate to just rid myself of it and am attempting to sell it online. If anyone is interested, PM me (lol).

I was planning on proposing to her between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, but that is obviously delayed while I reevaluate the past 17 months with her.

So there's my sob story. Any advice from my fellow Hangouters?

I have not seen this ring but she sounds ungrateful and spoiled:eek:

I feel bad for you:( It sound like alot of $$$$ you worked hard for!:(

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Here is a tip. Don't get married unless you HAVE to.

WOW! what an attitude:angryfire:

Why would anyone HAVE too?:P

Have you heard of love?

Edited by cindyluvsbrady
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Just some quick advice from a man who's been married for 20+ years. If a ring is a major obstacle to your marriage for any reason you may want to re-evaluate whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Jewelry stores have been pushing for years that the ring represents how much man loves a woman so much to the point that they've come up the ridiculous figure of how many months salary should be spent on it. Give me a break.

If she loves you, she should care less aboout what the ring looks like when you propose. If she is deadset against the ring after you propose, you and her could talk about selling the ring and gettting her a comparable one that she loves. The ring portion of the proposal should not be a big deal in my opinion. The fact that you are asking her to be your wife should be what counts and in no way should conserns about a ring be effecting her or your decision. If they are, I would question whether there's enough true love to make it through the inevitable tough times that lie ahead in every marriage.

Good luck and remember, if she truly loves you, this should be easily worked out between the TWO of you at a later date after she's said yes.

Well said Tony:)

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WOW! what an attitude:angryfire:

Why would anyone HAVE too?:P

Have you heard of love?

To be fair, marriage and love aren't mutually exclusive. Look at all the people who get married who aren't actually in love, or look at how many people who are very much in love who get married and it ruins that love. I understand the basic concept behind "don't get married if you don't have to." Different strokes for different folks. Because, you see, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you might not be right for some...

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