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Jim Palmer Admits to Hair Growth Hormone Use During Career


Barnaby Graves

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BALTIMORE, MD--Baltimore Orioles fans are reeling after learning that the legendary Jim Palmer, a Baseball Hall of Famer and Orioles broadcaster that spent 19 years in the majors pitching for their team, artificially enhanced his hair for over 20 years.

Palmer's admission came on the heels of a tell-all book by Rollie Fingers in which Fingers himself admitted to injecting HairGH into his mustache and outed several other contemporaries whom he claims gave their hair an unfair, chemical edge.

"In the 60s and 70s, guys were doing anything they could to gain an advantage on the competition," said Fingers when reached for comment. "I went after Palmer because he's a jerk and I hate him, but you had guys like Oscar Gamble that went totally off the rails and couldn't control their usage at all. You know, the really obvious froboaters. Al Hrabosky once tried to take a picture with an 8-year-old girl at the game and when he kneeled down his handlebars reached out and tried to strangle her."

Several former Orioles confirmed Fingers' account.

"Palmer was using for his entire career, but he really started abusing the stuff when he got that Jockey ad deal," said Orioles great Boog Powell. "He entered himself into a clinical trial for a drug called Minoxidil, which was supposed to treat high blood pressure, but guys had gotten word that one side effect was massive hair growth. He was willing to do anything. The night before his Game 1 start of the 1970 World Series, he shaved his cat and attached the trimmings to his head with modeling glue. He was so high on the glue that in the third inning he actually walked Bobby Tolan."

"We were calling him Cakes the Calico for years after that," added Powell.

"When I came up, Palmer was nearing the end of his career, but we'd still win a World Series before he left," said businessman, philanthropist, and famed commercial actor Cal Ripken Jr. "Brylcreem was the big one back then. The package says 'A Little Dab'll Do Ya!' but he was putting it in his cereal. And of course, when you take the Brylcreem, you gotta take the Brylcleer. His locker was just filled with all of these empty tubes."

A source close to the Baltimore Orioles also told ESPN that Palmer was supplying HairGH to former and current Orioles as well. The source specifically named former Orioles reliever Koji Uehara as being a client of Palmer's and that Palmer had given free supplements to Jake Arrieta to "help him grow something ridiculous on his face again this year."

For the first time in his life, Jim Palmer could not be reached for comment.

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  • 4 years later...

So I was watching Palmer in the post game interview and being mid 40's with constantly thinning hair (which my 17 year old daughter constantly reminds me of...) and was just once again amazed at the thickness of Palmer's "hair", but being a man of wisdom, I thought something was fishy (not much can get by me I tell ya). I for some reason decided to google "does Jim Palmer wear a hair piece?" and the first result was this thread!

Not kidding! Don't believe me. Well then: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=does+jim+palmer+where+a+hair+piece%3F

This is hilarious!

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So I was watching Palmer in the post game interview and being mid 40's with constantly thinning hair (which my 17 year old daughter constantly reminds me of...) and was just once again amazed at the thickness of Palmer's "hair", but being a man of wisdom, I thought something was fishy (not much can get by me I tell ya). I for some reason decided to google "does Jim Palmer wear a hair piece?" and the first result was this thread!

Not kidding! Don't believe me. Well then: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=does+jim+palmer+where+a+hair+piece%3F

This is hilarious!

Unbelievable... this is hilarious :laughlol:

I did an April Fools last year about Duquette leaving to become the U.S. Secretary of Agriculture but I couldn't think of a joke this year.

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