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Top Ten Ways to Survive the Great Oriole Swoon of 2017


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10) What swoon? That's fake news!!! The Orioles have WON six in a row, and not only have the best record in baseball, but they have the biggest crowds too! 

9) What goes down must come up. (Or is that backwards?)

8) As some will explain in meticulous detail, it's a long season. Now think of the pleasure you will get as you [imagine] punching these people in the jaw!

7) Throughout these losses, the Orioles have demonstrated superb pitching. Soon the O's front office will orchestrate a trade for some of those superb pitchers. 

6) With a few breaks, the Orioles could still go 140-22. Of course, this involves breaks in the pitching arm of every opposing pitcher.

5) The Orioles hitters continue to dominate the fifth inning, leading the AL in slugging (.527) and OPS (.904), with a .377 OBP. Sure, there are those other pesky innings, and sure, the Orioles pitchers have a 5.55 ERA in the fifth inning, but golly, can the Orioles hit in the fifth inning!!!

4) No matter how bad the Orioles are, the new Bay Watch movie is even worse. 

3) With one stroke of his bat (followed by a manic sprint), Chris Davis moved the Orioles from last place in the majors in triples to merely tied for last place with 3. Oh, and the O's are also tied for last place in the majors in stolen bases (12). See, we get to share the mockery! (Well, except for sacrifices, where we're dead last in the majors with 2.) 

2) Always remember that "Losing Streak" is just an anagram for "Angelos' Skirt." This must mean something profound. 

1) Buck Showalter is becoming more and more like all-time great Hall of Fame manager Casey Stengel - both have the same question

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