Top Ten Ways the Orioles Can Win the Beanball Wars with the Red Sox

[larrytt]

10) Before each game have Chris Davis stroll over to the Red Sox dugout with a bat over his shoulder, and have him nonchalantly break it over his knee while giving them a very meaningful look. Problem solved.

9) Adam Jones already has solved the problem. Anytime a ball comes at your head you blow an anti-baseball bubble.

8) The fastest pitchers throw up to around 100mph. Orioles sluggers hit the ball up to 120mph. Need we say more?

7) Surreptitiously send to the Red Sox the ingredients for a steroid blocker, so that they can all start taking steroids. Their heads will become as big like Barry Bonds, huge targets that even Ubaldo can hit.

6) All we have to do is Warn Baseball, since that’s just an anagram for Beanball Wars.

5) Chris Davis has hit exactly 200 home runs since 2013. Last year he hit 38, while Trumbo hit 47, Machado 37, Jones 29, Schoop 25, and Alvarez 22, with the Orioles leading the majors in home runs with 253. I’m sure a few of them are still in orbit, just waiting to drop down and smack a certain Red Sox pitcher on the head.

4) We’ll build a wall between the pitching mound and home plate, and make the Red Sox pay for it.

3) Organize a peace conference with the Red Sox, and as a peace offering, exchange jerseys. (Anyone know the gestation period for the smallpox virus we’ll put in ours?)

2) Let them throw the balls at our heads – Oriole reflexes are too fast, like Drax.

1) They’re Sox. As in dirty, smelly, bloody socks, drenched with sweat and athlete fungus. Forget throwing baseballs at them and toss them some anti-bacterial air freshener.

[ORIOLE33]

WIN!!!!!

[LA2]

I really enjoyed these. Thank you so much--makes me miss Letterman's Late Show for the first (and maybe only) time. Did you used to write for him? 

 "dirty, smelly, bloody socks" by the way!

 

[PaulFolk]

The Orioles should just laugh at Chris Sale, who sliced up throwback uniforms last year. After all, CHRIS SALE is an anagram of SLICERS, HA!

(Did I do it right? )

[Natty]

We can recall  Mike Wright and show Boston what a beanball really is...

[larrytt]

1 hour ago, LA2 said:

I really enjoyed these. Thank you so much--makes me miss Letterman's Late Show for the first (and maybe only) time. Did you used to write for him? 

 "dirty, smelly, bloody socks" by the way!

 

Bloody good idea - I added "bloody"!

[LA2]

Especially considering how Mr. Schilling has opined on Breitbart about Adam being a liar. I guess that's on the Sox's Beanball Battle list.