Top Ten Ways the 2018 Oriole Nightmare Will Finally End

[larrytt]

10) The Orioles trade Manny Machado for the entire American League East. (But they still come in last place as Manny hits, fields, and pitches New York, Boston, Toronto, and Tampa Bay all into the 2018 World Series . . . somehow.)

9) The Orioles finish in 52nd place (just go with it) and get the first-round draft pick, and draft Joe Hardy, Roy Hobbs, Ricky Vaughn, Nuke LaLoosh, and Amanda Whurlitzer. Next year they go 162-0 and win the World Series. (Then we realize we're in a movie, and the real Orioles finished . . . in 52nd place.) 

Chris Davis will make contact, and all will be well with the world. (Of course this is a fairy tale as Chrissy, mighty Chrissy, will strike out.)

7) The Orioles starting pitchers turn things around and pitch to a 1.00 ERA the rest of the year. (But the offense doesn't score another run the rest of the year.)

6) You wake up to the sound of your alarm clock, you sit up and stretch your arms as you yawn, and realize this has all been a nightmare and that the Orioles are actually 57-3 and running away with the AL East in the greatest start of all time. (Then your alarm goes off again, and you REALLY wake up....)

5) You finally work up the courage to go to the Orioles and demand they sign and play you, saying you are as good as anyone on the current team not named Manny, and that the Orioles will keep losing unless they sign you. You say, it's "I or lose," and that convinces them, since that's just an anagram for "Orioles." (Then you realize that to be good at baseball you have to run, hit, field, throw, and many other skills, but anagramming isn't one of them.) 

4) Four simple words: "Use the Force, Buck!" (Then we remember the person who said that to Luke Skywalker was Obi-wan Kenobi, who immediately got "killed" in a light saber duel with Darth Vader, i.e. the Yankees, and that it would take two more movies before they'd win the World Series, I mean beat the Empire. And remember that the last time Luke S. played for the Orioles was 2011, the last of 14 consecutive losing seasons - and it was only after we got rid of Luke Scott that the Orioles made the playoffs in 2012.)

3) As part of Baseball Diplomacy between the U.S. and North Korea, the Orioles tour North Korea, beating all comers with ease. (We're kidding, they lose to everyone, even to some starving North Korean little leaguers. After the game they raid the Orioles locker room and steal all the sunflower seeds, post-game pies, and Adam Jones' bubble gum.)

2) As the Orioles get crucified in game after game, we should look to the bright side of life - from Life of Brian. (Wait, doesn't mean we really get crucified?)

1) The Orioles win the World Series!!! The Orioles win the World Series!!! The Orioles win the World Series!!! (But look closely at the Championship Trophy and it says, "2038." Remember I wrote this 20 years from now.)