Top Ten Reasons the Orioles are the Best in Baseball

[larrytt]

10) We have a great starting rotation, led by Tillman . . . wait, never mind. We have the best closer in baseball, Britton . . . oh darn, skip that. We have Mancini smacking all those home runs as our starting . . . jeez! Oh wait, we have Trumbo, the best home run hitter in baseball last year and he’s . . . gosh darn it!!!

9) The pitching dominates. They have the best ERA in all of baseball on Thursdays (0.95), with 3-0 and 3-2 counts (0.00 [!] and 1.35), are tied with the most saves (10, with Colorado), and have given up the second least number of home runs (17, one more than Oakland, but they are over the San Andreas Fault and so won’t last long). And we actually do have the third best ERA in baseball at 3.41!

8) We’re 4-0 when Ubaldo starts. This guy solved the Rubik’s cube in 5.95 seconds, matching Ubaldo’s ERA, but probably gets paid less than Ubaldo’s $13.5 million salary.

7) The CE-7.5 is a rocket engine developed by the Indian Space Research Organization, which propels a ship to rocket speeds. Gausman propels baseballs to rocket speeds, but strangely his ERA is also 7.5. One of these is a good thing.

6) A long time ago in a theater far away, The Star Wars movie “The Force Awakens” opened. The Orioles (14-6) have awakened and are defeating the dark side of the force (Yankees, 12-7). However, some of the O’s Jedi hitters didn’t get the memo and the force is not with them – are you listening, Mr. Trumbo and Mr. Machado?

5) The O’s 14-6 is a .700 winning percentage. Only the Nationals (15-6) are ahead at .714. However, that rounds down to .700, and Baltimore is ahead of Washington alphabetically, putting us on top. (And guess where those Yankees sit, alphabetically?)

4) The Orioles are Fourteen-Six. Which, of course, is just an anagram for what the O’s hitters do when they come to bat – Exert Fusion. And for what they do when faced with poison pitches from opponents – they Refuse Toxin. And for what will happen when one major station gets together to celebrate O’s greatness – it Reunites Fox. And for what the O’s play better than other teams after each win – Foxier Tunes. And why O’s players wear nose plugs when faced with the stench of the Yankees and other evil teams – a Nose Fixture. And what the Orioles did in getting former Boston Red Sox pitcher Wade Miley – Free Sox Unit. And, of course, for the only way any team can possibly challenge the Orioles, with bribery and blackmail, To Ensure Fix.

3) When the O’s Don their uniforms, they Trump all opponents with the biggest crowds, the highest approval ratings, and the highest payroll. And as they bomb their opponents Adam Jones smacks them in the face with the most beautiful chocolate cake.

2) The Orioles continue to dominate baseball with their explosive hitting when there are runners on first and second, with a .323 AVE, .432 OBP, .710 SLG, and 1.142 OPS.

1) We have Buck. That starts with B, that rhymes with T, that stands for Trouble!!! (With apologies to The Music Man.)

[murph]

Larrytt!   Funny as always.

Lets play some ping pong.  

[Frobby]

I'd love to get inside that head of Larry's and see how he comes up with all the anagrams.   

[riprulz8]

5 hours ago, Frobby said:

I'd love to get inside that head of Larry's and see how he comes up with all the anagrams.   

I hope I'm not giving away his secret, but I've used this site for years:  https://wordsmith.org/anagram/

[larrytt]

6 hours ago, murph said:

Larrytt!   Funny as always.

Lets play some ping pong.  

I'm ready! Um . . . can we play for money?

One of my table tennis students tonight, age 12 and a huge Orioles fan - he knew the entire roster - discovered I had coached JJ Hardy, Darren O'Day, and Brady Anderson, and had hit with half the team in their clubhouse (Manny, Chris Davis, etc.), and went practically crazy, especially when I showed him pictures. I recently emailed the Orioles to see if they'd like me to bring in a group of top junior table tennis players again, as we did a few years ago, but no response yet. 

[larrytt]

2 hours ago, riprulz8 said:

I hope I'm not giving away his secret, but I've used this site for years:  https://wordsmith.org/anagram/

Shhh!  Just finding anagrams isn't really the hardest part - you have to find anagrams of something interesting or funny, and recognize phrases that might be anagrammed into interesting counterpoints. (In my Top Ten lists I usually only use anagrams in one.) 

[Natty]

May the force stay with us.

[murph]

On 4/28/2017 at 0:43 AM, larrytt said:

I'm ready! Um . . . can we play for money?

One of my table tennis students tonight, age 12 and a huge Orioles fan - he knew the entire roster - discovered I had coached JJ Hardy, Darren O'Day, and Brady Anderson, and had hit with half the team in their clubhouse (Manny, Chris Davis, etc.), and went practically crazy, especially when I showed him pictures. I recently emailed the Orioles to see if they'd like me to bring in a group of top junior table tennis players again, as we did a few years ago, but no response yet. 

Yes, we can play for money, monopoly money!  And I realized I did not say table tennis, my bad. 

I do love the game and have a table, but it is indoor only and does not fit in our basement, so we have to wait for good weather and outside play, so glad spring is here!

[larrytt]

On 4/27/2017 at 4:51 PM, larrytt said:

9) The pitching dominates. They have the best ERA in all of baseball on Thursdays (0.95), with 3-0 and 3-2 counts (0.00 [!] and 1.35), ...

2) The Orioles continue to dominate baseball with their explosive hitting when there are runners on first and second, with a .323 AVE, .432 OBP, .710 SLG, and 1.142 OPS.

In case anyone didn't realize it, these were real stats, not made up. I should put together a Top Ten List of just strange O's stats.