Top Ten Things About the 2016 Orioles

[larrytt]

10) Eight strong position players and a DH, check. Murderer's row, check. Five starting pitchers who can breathe, check. Strong closer and set-up man, check. Defense (we'll ignore corner outfield), bullpen, and bench, check. Great manager, check. World Series checks, check. Only check missing is a Czech.

9) With this lineup . . . sometime this year we'll make history with nine consecutive homers. But eight will be solos. Wait....

8) Because the death sentence is illegal in Maryland, it is no longer legal for fans to sit in the outfield bleachers. In related news, Texas has requested the Orioles visit them so they can sit those on death row in the outfield bleachers.

7) Women everywhere will be cheering for Gallardo. After all, Gallardo is just an anagram for "A Gal Lord." (Yeah, it's also "A Rag Doll.") And Pedro Alvarez will be zapping home runs all over the place - because Pedro Alvarez is just an anagram for "Dear Zap Lover.")

6) A healthy JJ Hardy will set the record for most home runs by a #9 hitter. He'll also set the record for most home runs by the guy with the ninth most home runs on a team. And he'll win his fourth gold glove in the first all-gold glove infield in history (Davis, Schoop, Hardy, Machado), and Wieters and Jones will also get theirs. Heck, let's give Kim in left field a gold glove as well. OK, OK, Tillman can have one too. Sorry, Trumbo, no can do.

5) Now playing for the Orioles, the United Nations Team: Gonzales (MEX), Schoop (CUR), Kim (KOR), Jiminez (DOM), Paredes (DOM), P. Alvarez (DOM), Urrutia (CUB), D. Alvarez (CUB), Despaigne (CUB), and Chris Davis (Republic of Texas).

4) Now leading off for the Chicago Cubs, with a spring training batting average of .077 and an on base percentage of .143 . . . Dexter Fowler!

3) While the final schedule hasn't been announced, the seventh game of the World Series will be around Tuesday, Nov. 8, so we'll get to watch the Orioles destroy some NL team on this otherwise uneventful day. The season will be a long Cruz, but the Orioles will climb this Hill, or even a mountain to get where they've Ben before, they'll feel the Bern as they Trump all other teams, and no matter how Bushed, they will put their Marc on this season.

2) Wait, we haven't had a losing season since 2011?!!! And we've won the most games in the AL from 2012 to present? I'm getting all cold and clammy, and my brain all muddly. Okay, I'm better now. Bring on the new season - 100 wins or bust!!! OK, make it 110 - I think I can handle it. Can you? (Duck! Davis launched another one?)

1) Buck Showalter's

* on the first day of Spring Training. (Caution: strong language.) In fact, with our new lineup,

we'll be up against. Adam Jones

. Chris Davis visited the Yankees clubhouse and

.

*This is the only good version I could find, but it's marred by someone yelling "USA" near the start.