Top Twelve Reasons the Orioles are the Best Baseball Team in 2023

[larrytt]

12) The M&M Boys, Mullins and Mateo, are 17-1 in stolen bases after 21 games, the best 1-2 combo in the majors. But taking inflation into account, since bases are now 1.44 times larger, they’ve actually stolen 24.48 bases, the first time in history any pair has stolen that amount or been caught 1.44 times.

11) They lead the American League in walks drawn with 92, in walk-offs with three, and walks by pitchers named Kyler with 11.

10) They are tied for second in the American League for most complete games with zero.

9) Tampa Bay is the only team ahead of the Orioles in the AL East, but they won’t last long now that the book “Moneyball” has been banned in Florida for being inappropriate for minors, which is stupid since most minor leaguers are at least 18 years old.

8) The Orioles are the Ninth Inning Nasties with a 1.93 ERA and opposing batting average of .211 in the ninth inning. (We’ll ignore their 9.00 ERA and opposing team batting average of .500 in extra innings.)

7) The Orioles are the Third Inning Thrashers as they lead or are tied for the lead in the American League in slugging, on base percentage, OPS, runs, RBIs, home runs, doubles, total bases, walks, stolen bases, sacrifice flies, and sacrifice bunts in the third inning. Yep, the third time’s the charm. Of course, the 800-pound gorilla in the room (and we’re not talking Tyler Wells, 6’8” and 260 lbs) is that, after 21 games, they’ve yet to triple in the third. (We’ll also ignore their first, sixth, eighth, and ninth inning batting averages of .203, .189, .225, and .217.)

6) In this era of power baseball, the Orioles lead the American League in the most important stat of all, with four sacrifice bunts.

5) At 14-7, the Orioles are on pace to go 108-54, their best record since 1970 when they also had that record. But the 2023 Orioles are much better than the 1970 Orioles. And while those 1970 Orioles are around 80 years old, they’re still better than the 2023 Royals and Athletics.

4) Adley Rutschman leads American League catchers in OPS at .891, an appropriate number as it commemorates the deaths in 891 AD of the Chinese warlords Chen Yan and Gu Yanlang, clubbed to death by Rutschman during his minor league years. He’s also the staunchest Oriole, which is why his last name is just an anagram for “Mr. Staunch.”

3) The other 29 teams invested their money in Bitcoin, Twitter, and Bed Bath & Beyond. By the All-Star game they’ll be selling all their best players to the Orioles.

2) The Orioles pitched 34 consecutive scoreless innings. The streak could have continued all season. However, it was embarrassing the rest of the country, and everyone was getting envious of Baltimore’s greatness. So Baltimore Congressman Kweisi Mfume bribed them to give up some runs. And so, the only reason the scoreless streak ended was because of Orioles Congressmen Sins – which, as we all know, is just an anagram for More O’s Scoreless Innings.

1) Mountcastle has hit six home runs so far, all with calibrated accuracy. All went into orbit and will soon fall back to Earth over Tampa Bay where they will take out their five starters (2.54 combined ERA) and a player to be named later.

-Larry Hodges

[RZNJ]

Bravo!   I have to ask.  How long did that take?    Pretty funny stuff.    And I don't say that often.

[Frobby]

7 minutes ago, RZNJ said:

Bravo!   I have to ask.  How long did that take?    Pretty funny stuff.    And I don't say that often.

Apparently it took five years, since Larry’s last top ten list was in 2018.  

 

[foxfield]

I am now 100% certain that the Orioles are back baby!!!! 

Excellent post and this is darn near as enjoyable as the 14-7 start by the Orioles.

[larrytt]

1 hour ago, RZNJ said:

Bravo!   I have to ask.  How long did that take?    Pretty funny stuff.    And I don't say that often.

I put most of it together last night in about an hour after the Orioles walkoff win. I spent another half hour this afternoon finalizing it. They're fun to do! 

[Spy Fox]

The return of larrytt countdowns is truly a herald of better times. 

[24fps]

A blast from the past!  Love it.